January/February 2007
Optimism Pays
It turns out that optimists fare better than pessimists in most aspects of life, including school, work, sports, relationships, health, and longevity. In general, optimists get depressed less often, make more money, and have happier marriages than do pessimists.
And there’s more: Optimists live longer. A Dutch study on cardiovascular health found that pessimists die sooner of heart disease than optimists, but they also die sooner from just about everything. Optimists, on the other hand, typically find themselves in a loop where their hard work leads to success, which leads to more self-confidence, which leads to a desire to work even harder, which leads to more success, etc.
The good news is that you can choose to be an optimist, even if it doesn’t come naturally. Researchers say optimism is 25 percent inherited; the rest is up to you. One way to become more optimistic is to “fake it till you make it.” One study found that participants who acted more assertive and energetic—even if they didn’t feel like it—actually felt happier after the experiment. This approach has a surprisingly strong and immediate impact on emotions. But there are many other ways to adopt a more optimistic attitude. Read on!
It’s Up to You
Being an optimist is a choice. Life presents challenges and frustrations for all of us, but we each have a choice in how we handle these difficulties. When we let external events influence our moods, we become slaves to these events. However, we can free ourselves from outer influences and choose to be happy. Here are some pointers:
- Pay attention to your thoughts. Whenever you find yourself thinking negatively—dwelling on a problem or feeling upset about something—change your mind-set by focusing on solutions, not problems. Consider that obstacles are actually opportunities for growth. Ask yourself what you can do to turn the situation around, and then act on it!
- Laugh. Choose friends who are optimistic and make you laugh. Pessimism and optimism are both contagious. To promote a healthy outlook, hang out with optimistic friends. Watching funny movies and reading humorous books will help too.
- Exercise. When you exercise, your body releases endorphins, feel-good substances that reduce stress and anxiety. Exercise also helps diffuse tension and clears your mind.
- Help others. It’s better to give than to receive. Perform at least one act of kindness each day. Making others happy actually increases your happiness quotient.
- Help yourself. Not only should you be kind to others, but be kind to yourself too. Do something each day that brings you happiness—call a friend, read, listen to music, eat an ice cream cone, or—my personal favorite—take some bread crumbs to your local park and feed the ducks!
When Someone Gives You a Lemon
Make lemonade. Or so the adage goes. While it’s easy to assume a negative attitude when things go awry, a positive attitude will take you much further toward success. Here are a few ways to turn negative problems into positive possibilities:
Say it positively. Put a positive spin on the situation by restating it with positive words. For example, turn a “problem” into a “challenge,” or a “failure” into a “lesson.”
It’s not you. When someone, such as a customer, takes his anger out on you, don’t join in his negativity. Act calmly, reassuringly, and pleasantly. Your positive attitude will help diffuse the anger. Tell yourself he’s just having a bad day and needs to vent—which is probably true.
The glass is half full. Always focus on what you can do to help improve a situation, not what you’re unable to do.
Positive Vibes
Great leaders affirm their people. They offer words of praise and thanks, and they show respect and consideration. With so many positive vibes headed their way, how can employees not feel good about their jobs and themselves? Business author Chip R. Bell suggests three ways that leaders can affirm people:
- Really listen. Many employees—and some customers—feel “over-surveyed and undervalued,” writes Bell. They believe employers listen to them talk, but they don’t necessarily hear what they say. “Too often the pursuit is for facts rather than feelings; conversation instead of candor,” writes Bell. Employee and customer commitment to an organization soars when interaction is personal, candid, and respectful.
- Follow through with action. One day the manager of a Dallas copy shop asked a customer how the store could improve its service. The customer replied, “You talk about the ‘right job at the right time,’ but I don’t see a clock anywhere. Why don’t you put up a big clock on the wall so employees and customers can see it?” The manager said that was a great idea. He opened a cash register, took out a $20 bill, and handed it to his colleague. “Please take this money,” he said, “and buy us a big wall clock.” That dramatic action showed the customer that his feedback was valued, and it showed the employee the value of listening to the customer.
- Never hire someone you wouldn’t want to hug. With this advice, Bell is not suggesting leaders hug their employees. He is suggesting, however, that working with people you genuinely like creates a joy that spills over into your work and creates a goodwill and bond among leaders, employees, customers, and, naturally...the feathered friends among us.
Feel-Good Tips
The secret to happiness, says one researcher, is to stop striving for it. Suzanne Segerstrom, author of Breaking Murphy’s Law, says people who want to be more optimistic and happier should aim to be engaged, instead of aiming to be happy. The way to happiness is keeping busy with something you love. When you’re engaged in something you care about, it distracts you from a pessimist’s favorite pastime: worrying. It’s no wonder that optimists get more done than pessimists. Martin E. P. Seligman, a pioneer in the positive psychology movement, offers these three tips on how to become more positive:
- Use your strengths. Write down your top five strengths, such as generosity or creativity. Then use one of your strengths in a different way every day for one week. Researchers have found that people who do this exercise for only one week increase their level of happiness for the next six months.
- Track the good. Each day, write down three things that went well and why. When good things happen, pessimists dismiss it as a fluke, while optimists aren’t shy about taking credit for the success. Conversely, when bad things happen, pessimists blame themselves and expect long-term negative consequences; optimists see bad events as problems that will pass quickly and have little to do with them.
- Say “thank you.” Write and deliver a thank-you letter in person to someone who has been especially kind to you, but whom you have never thanked properly. Researchers have found that doing so boosts happiness for a month afterwards.
Listen to Your Inner Optimist
An old man lived by the side of the road and sold hot dogs for his livelihood. Because he was hard of hearing, he had no radio. And because his vision was poor, he never bothered with newspapers or television. But he sold the best hot dogs for miles around. He had signs on the highway and on the side of the road advertising his product.
Word of mouth spread and more and more people came to enjoy his hot dogs. The old man increased his meat and bun orders and bought a larger stove to handle the boom in business. He even got his son to help him out. But that’s when things changed.
“Dad, haven’t you been listening to the radio or reading the newspaper?” asked the young man one day. “We’re in the middle of a recession.”
That got the father thinking: “My son’s been to college. He reads the papers and listens to the news. He ought to know.” So the father reduced his meat and bun orders and took down his signs. Sales dropped instantly. “You’re right, son,” said the father. “There’s a terrible recession going on.”
Seeing the Best in Others
Many years ago, the now deceased Rabbi Schlomo Carlebach once spoke to Manhattan’s Diamond Dealers Club. After his talk, there was a question-and-answer period. Someone in the audience asked the rabbi why he “wasted” so much time with people who were homeless, unemployed, drug addicted, and mentally ill.
The rabbi thought for a minute, and then asked the group of diamond dealers if anyone had ever accidentally thrown out a diamond in the rough. “Never!” the audience members shouted. “A real expert would know the true value of a stone, no matter its condition.”
That’s precisely the answer the rabbi was looking for, and this gave him an opportunity to enlighten his audience. “I’ll let you in on a little secret, my friends,” he said. “I’m also an expert on diamonds. I walk the streets every day, and all I see are the most precious diamonds walking past me. Some of them you have to pick up from the gutter and polish a bit. But once you do, oh how they shine! So you see, the most important thing you have to know in life is that everyone, everyone, is a diamond in the rough.”
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